I don’t know how to carry these.


Yellow leaf paper stacked and dusty outside. Tucked into a plastic drawer on the top shelf by the front door with a bungee cord ~ what to do with it? Travelogues of mother’s, grandmother’s pocket journals. A tummy ache of crowded appointments without air. Nothing about us. Sandra trashed her mother’s yearbook and I want to try. Except for May 5 1984, a reader on Olvera Street was consulted. Mom got the usual. Death of natural causes. As if there is such a thing when it’s you.

It’s the Blue Cheese that scares me ~


semi-soft Trader Joe’s bulk cheap

and he’s impressed
with ten dollars less a pound then Cambonzola
like his last girlfriend a hard butterscotch
ripped off cellophane exterior
he brags about any new acquisition which I
almost spit up the crudettes of Roquefort
more like Sizzler Salad dressing
basted into brie
when we got back together
he started over on a new diet
advertised as
the Ultra Slim Fast
in the Trader Joes Newsletter
frozen only $1.79 each
to stock his refrigerator
at the first light we broke
pulling up next to a dinged turquoise spider
he pointed to a platinum dent
you said you wanted to know
when I’m attracted to other women

Dorothy with a butter knife.

IMG_0724_cutLast night I was sleep talking again. About missing Dorothy. Every new year she would issue a single word to the family ~ ominous and prophetic. I asked John who is home for Xmas to seance Dorthy and give me the word. SPELT for 2020. My first interpretation is always wrong but I have a year. It has nothing to do with my earlier spiel about my spell check suddenly not working. The tedium of googling stupid words that I spell right when I finally google them. Nothing to do with the flour either.

What Do You Want Now?

ouch what do you want2

You may not know this but I am a hunchback. For this I need gentle chronic relief. With the OPIOID CRISIS those of us who take legal drugs have been targeted first by the DEA. Specifically our doctors and pharmacies. I was forced to change medications this last week, transitioning from something that worked for years. I was given SUBOXONE. Within minutes my right kidney said ouch no don’t do this. But my options were not multiple choice.

Day 2 – woohoo NO PAIN, plus and infusion of mood elevation. I was quasi more human than usual. Not a scintilla of pain OH JOY tis the season!! I wasn’t hungry either.

Day 3 all of that changed. The side effects went into overdrive so I called Allison Strong more expert than most doctors. She suggested I might be taking too much. So I cut in half my dose and then another half.

By day 5 I thought for certain I was having a heart attack. Dizziness, faint, headache, stabbing heart pain, difficulty breathing etc. etc. etc. I called my husband to say farewell but he was busy and recommended water, keep the phone close. I went to the fire department and had them take my blood pressure and I was high and I’m usually low. I called my husband again and I said you really fucking hurt my feelings that you don’t want to comfort me when I’m dying. He recommended I not take anymore which I interrupted adversely as if I was going to swallow more? We hung up but I’m hearing HELLO? Hello? I said HELLO? He said WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW? I said I must have butt dialed you. Sorry.



snowball pinhead

It’s Tuesday. The dogs are fighting over me again. ADD head hurts. Really hurt. There’s a storm coming and I prefer thunder and lightning to the sun. It puts me in a good mood. I get feisty and don’t have to play tricks with myself to wash the dishes. But everything is a kick back headache from over the counter trash. Inside it’s DRY and I’m an SNL vintage Pinhead. John’s answer to everything drink water. He repeats himself. I have to figure out what to do about the cockroaches I’m attracting. I’ve relocated them all outside and NOW WHAT? They thrive in the cat accommodations under the house. It’s not fair to the cats but they don’t seem to mind. Which is perplexing I can’t reconcile that relationship. They don’t grasp the air like I do trying to dissuade the bugs.

project dogs


flipped.pngI have a habit of falling for my neighbours’ pets. Which is mostly unrequited due to their unfortunate guardians. Mahina is being incarcerated when she isn’t being pimped for her puppies. She got called a cunt the last time she got loose and dragged back to her cell. Orion to the west is a greying geriatric and a magnificent mix. He blasts thru the fence to come. I explain his ardor to his master that Orion loves my dog MEESHOO. They are star crossed lovers, but the truth is Orion is in love with me.




They still won’t let me play catch.


We talk about equality. Concede women might not have the musculature of men, but science tell us women are less susceptible to fatigue than men are. Women have superior stamina, muscle stamina they call it. A higher threshold for pain glaringly evident when we grow and conceive pushing out entire screaming humans. Yet TENNIS doesn’t allow women to play the best of five sets in a Grand Slam tournament?